Sure, most of us have a pretty good sense of what love feels like. But is love just one big emotion, or can we be in love in different ways? After all, there’s a big difference between that sweaty-palmed, racing-heart sensation, and that comfy, “he makes me feel safe,” sentiment. Despite love’s nuances, and its vital impact on everything from decisions to health outcomes, scientific research still lumps love into one big category. That tendency needs to change, says Sandra Langeslag, PhD, a post-doctoral research associate in the University of Maryland’s Department of Psychology, who studies the effects of love on attention and memory. In an effort to bolster love-related research, she decided that one definition wouldn’t suffice, and published a new “love scale” in The Journal of Sex Research. The scale, designed as a 20-question survey (check it out here), is meant to distinguish between infatuation and attachment: While infatuation refers to intense euphoria coupled with a smattering of uncomfortable emotions like insecurity, obsessive thinking, jealousy, and anxiety, “attachment is this much calmer feeling that grows over time,” says Langeslag. “The brain might respond very differently to someone they’re infatuated with and someone they’re attached to.” So are you infatuated, or attached? Langeslag’s latest research offers one easy way to tell: Those involved in newer relationships tend to identify more with the characteristics of infatuation, such as feeling shy, tense, and shaky in the presence of a lover, or not being able to concentrate or sleep when thinking about him. Questions that signal infatuation include: “My feelings for X reduce my appetite,” and “I get clammy hands when I am near X.” Those in longer-term relationships relate more to the attachment mode of love, characterized by feeling emotionally connected to the beloved, sharing belongings and secrets with him, and imagining a future together. If you answer “yes” to these statements, you might be firmly attached: “X knows everything about me,” and “I feel that I can count on X.” Attachment might sound healthier—and it is key to a successful long-term relationship. But infatuation isn’t necessarily a problem, and often evolves into attachment, Langeslag says. “How infatuated you are with someone is not a good prediction of how you would be able to maintain a relationship with that person,” she says. “Over time, the view of your beloved becomes more realistic.” Langeslad anticipates that the new questionnaire will help determine the effects of infatuation and attachment on the brain. Such information might one day be used to “treat” so-called “love sicknesses.” “We don’t consider love to be a disorder, so we generally don’t want to treat it, but there are instances where we might,” Langeslag says. “One of the major reasons people get divorced is because their love declines over time. Maybe if we could increase that love, they wouldn’t get divorced. Likewise, in situations where love is forbidden, we may want to decrease that love.” More from Prevention: 12 Relationship Problems, Solved Questions? Comments? Contact Prevention’s News Team!
