While most people don’t participate in road rage, says Leon James, PhD, we all are aggressive drivers. “We are raised that way from childhood,” James says. We acquire competitive and aggressive attitudes in the car, from parents and TV, for example. By the time we start driving, our attitudes are pretty much set. Few people, however, consider themselves aggressive behind the wheel, he says. In surveys, 80% of drivers say others are aggressive on the road, but only about 30% admit they’re aggressive, too. “There’s a 50% gap,” says James. In other words, more than half of all aggressive drivers don’t realize they’re aggressive drivers. “We define aggressive driving as imposing your own preferred level of risk on others,” says James’s wife and coresearcher, Diane Nahl, PhD. People who tailgate, for instance, may be convinced that the other drivers are driving too slowly. “If you get out of their way, they’ll consider you to be a good driver,” says Nahl. “If you don’t, you’re labeled a bad driver.” Some of the “symptoms” of aggressive driving include feeling stressed behind the wheel, cursing, acting hostile, speeding, yelling or honking, making insulting gestures, tailgating, cutting off others, wanting to let the other driver know how you feel, indulging in violent fantasies, or feeling enraged, competitive, or compelled to drive dangerously. MORE: What Kind Of Angry Are You? Anonymity is a major contributor to the problem, says Arnold P. Nerenberg, PhD. In cars, we tend to dehumanize each other, he says. “We don’t think, ‘This is a human being like me, with fears, aspirations, love, and vulnerabilities. It’s just some jerk that cut me off, and I’m going to teach him a lesson.’” But there may be a price to pay, Nerenberg adds. An aggressive driver who contributes to a crash, an injury, or a death is likely to end up in court, or worse. So here are some tips from the experts on how to relax behind the wheel, as well as some ways to steer clear of aggressive or angry drivers.
Lend Support
Learn to accommodate other drivers, says James. Instead of competing with them, support them. “If they want to enter the lane ahead of you, make space. If they want to pass you, move over and let them. If they want to cut you off, slow down,” he says. “When you’re a supportive driver, not only does the stress vanish, but you also begin to enjoy traffic,” he says.
Cut Them Some Slack
A driver suddenly slams on his brakes right in front of you, a car makes a left-hand turn from the right-hand lane without the benefit of a turn signal, a car pulls out in front of you, causing you to slam on your brakes—too many cars on the road and too many distractions make for a large margin of error. It’s easy to get mad. “Get off the road, idiot,” you might think, or worse. Give other drivers a break, says James. Think of alternative explanations for a driver’s mistake. Maybe she’s from out of town. Perhaps he’s distracted by a toddler screeching in the backseat. An attitude of latitude is of great benefit, because it counteracts our tendency for hostile judgments and righteous indignation, which are symptoms of road rage. Making mistakes is routine in driving, and for most drivers, a mistake doesn’t mean inherent incompetence. MORE: 11 Things You Should Always Keep In The Car
Do It Right
“Try life in the right lane,” James suggests. People often avoid the right, or slower, lane because they fear losing time. But if you drive in the slow lane, you’ll keep pace with less aggressive drivers and may realize it’s not slow after all, he says. Research shows that the average commute in the United States is 25 minutes. Driving in the fast lane generally saves about 10% of that time. So the commuter who rushes arrives at his destination only 2 to 3 minutes ahead of the slower driver. Don’t believe it? Time yourself and see.
Control Yourself
Don’t let other drivers do it for you, says Nerenberg. He asks aggressive or angry drivers: “Do you want to turn control over to those people you’re calling idiots, or do you want to keep control for yourself?” Losing your cool is turning control over to them. Once you become aware of what they’re doing, it’s easier to commit to keeping calm on the road.
Listen Up
“Backseat drivers have a bad reputation,” says Nahl. But they may have a point. So listen to the “complaints” of your spouse, your children, and others who ride with you. They are witnesses to your driving.
Be Responsible
To your passengers, that is. “A lot of drivers feel: ‘I am the captain of my ship. You just put up with how I drive,’” says James. The driver controls the air conditioner, radio stations, speed, and just about everything else. Instead, ask your passengers about their preferences. They’ll likely appreciate the respect, and you’ll feel better about yourself and calmer while driving.
Get Silly
Feeling tense behind the wheel? Try making animal noises, machine sounds, or whatever you find amusing. “Laughter not only interrupts your negative thinking or anger, but also unloads the stress,” says Nahl.
Forgive And Forget
If you are the “victim” of an aggressive driver, remind yourself that retaliation isn’t worth it. Think about the people waiting for you to arrive at home. “You don’t want to do anything that would endanger your life or anyone else’s,” says James. “Tell yourself, ‘It’s just not worth the hassle.’” MORE: The 6 Keys To Forgiving Anyone And Moving On
Honk With Care
“Even honking has become a dangerous behavior,” says Nahl. “People often take honking as a great insult, as a sign of disrespect.” So you had better be careful about when, where, and why you decide to tap or lay on that horn.
Acknowledge Your Aggression
“It’s a good first step, but it’s a hard thing for people to do,” says Nahl. People with road rage often focus on other people—those on the outside of the windshield, she says. “We rarely focus on our own behavior.” So one way to tune in: Talk behind the wheel. “The act of speaking your thoughts out loud while you’re driving creates awareness,” she says. Better yet, tape-record yourself while driving, and listen later. Research shows people often are surprised by what they’ve said. Another option: Carry a notepad in the car. When you arrive at your destination, write down your thoughts and feelings about the drive. Over time, your observations will lend insight that may help you some changes to any aggressive patterns.
Don’t Get Engaged
Avoid confrontations at all costs by never tailgate or making eye contact with any angry drivers. Don’t get out of the car or attempt to have a conversation for any reason. Similarly, don’t go home or to work if someone is following you. “You don’t want that person to know anything about you,” Nerenberg says. If you feel frightened or threatened, go to a safe place, such as a police or fire station.
Talk About It
Meet with your family regularly, especially if you have teenagers, to talk about safe driving, says Nahl. Ask for feedback on your own driving, allow other family members to openly discuss driving habits or problems, and discuss potential scenarios and actions.
Teach Your Children
Babies and toddlers learn a lot in those car seats. “We call this the road-rage nursery,” says Nahl. Before children even learn to speak, they absorb the attitudes of the adults they ride with. They witness firsthand all of the yelling, cursing, and gestures. So learn to turn around those actions. Say something like: “Mommy just yelled at that other person. I really shouldn’t do that.” Also ask for your children’s help. They might remind you to put on your seat belt, for example. Thank them, and encourage them. “You’ll create a whole different culture in the car,” Nahl says. That may pay off in the long run, and your children may be less aggressive when it’s their turn to drive. MORE: 15 Best Foods You Can Buy At A Gas Station
Shorten The Ride With Scent
Trade in that pine-scented air freshener for a peppermint candy or cinnamon stick. In a NASA-funded study, scientists from Wheeling Jesuit University monitored the emotional responses of 25 college students during simulated driving scenarios. The volunteers reported that peppermint lowered their feelings of anxiety and fatigue by 20%. Peppermint and cinnamon each decreased their frustration by 25%, increased alertness by 30%, and made the ride seem 30% shorter. You can buy peppermint and cinnamon oils and aromatherapy diffusers for the car at health food stores. MORE: 9 Aromatherapy Tricks That Can Do Everything From Turn You On To Help You Lose Weight
Do As The Doctor Does: 3 Tips From Former Aggressive Drivers
James is a reformed aggressive driver. He often took risks on the road, such as weaving in and out of lanes. “I acted like I was in a hurry all the time, even when I wasn’t,” he says. “It becomes a habit. People who have a habit of getting ahead of everybody else get panicky when they get stuck behind somebody.” Now, James is much more relaxed in the driver’s seat. It took several years of battling with his wife—who insisted that drivers should consider their passenger’s feelings and safety—to realize that she was right. “I carried a tape recorder in the car and spoke my thoughts out loud, then listened to it later,” says James. From there, it was a matter of “one little skill at a time.”“The one thing that’s most helpful is to learn to leave earlier,” he says, and he regularly allows an extra 15 to 20 minutes to reach his destination. “The same events do not stress me out as before,” he says. “I am able to be patient.” MORE: 3 Yoga Poses For Long Car Rides Nerenberg uses what he calls the “Power Thought System” to keep negative thoughts from arising and overpowering drivers. Remind yourself—hourly, if possible, and never fewer than 6 times a day—of how you want to be on the road. Think, for example: “I’m going to keep control over myself. I’m not turning control over to you.” You’ll learn to turn away destructive thoughts. Martha Howard, MD, used to commute a very stressful 16 miles, often twice a day. “I would find myself getting very irritated and annoyed behind the wheel,” she says. “‘This is bad for my health,’ I realized. This is going to kill me. They say hostility is the biggest risk factor for heart attacks, a bigger risk factor even than smoking. I started listening to Buddhist lecture tapes while driving. One tape had a car meditation exercise by Thich Nhat Hanh, a famous Buddhist monk. For the exercise, you use the brake light in the car in front of you as a mindfulness wake-up call. When the driver in front of you brakes, instead of cursing and pounding the steering wheel, take it as your cue to breathe and smile and relax. Smiling in itself is huge; just putting your face in a smile changes your body chemistry and helps you relax.”
Are You An Aggressive Driver?
James created the following test for aggressive drivers. The 20 items are arranged along a continuum of escalating degrees of hostility experienced by drivers, beginning with relatively milder forms of aggressiveness (step 1) and going all the way to ultimate violence (step 20). The majority of drivers James tested go as far as step 13. How far down the uncivilized road do you allow yourself to travel?
Panel Of Advisors
Martha Howard, MD, is medical director of Wellness Associates of Chicago, an integrative medicine center. Leon James, PhD, is a professor of psychology at the University of Hawaii in Honolulu. He has researched aggressive driving for more than 20 years and is coathor, with his wife, Diane Nahl, of Road Rage and Aggressive Driving. Dr. James and Dr. Nahl operate the website DrDriving.org and are the creators of an anti-aggressive driving video series called Roadrageous. Diane Nahl, PhD, is a professor and information scientist at the University of Hawaii in Honolulu. She has studied aggressive driving for more than 20 years. Arnold P. Nerenberg, PhD, is a psychologist in Whittier, California, and a longtime road-rage researcher. He is coauthor of the American Institute for Public Safety’s road rage program and author of A 10-Step Compassion Program, for learning to overcome angry driving.
