MORE: What Kind Of Anger Style Do You Have? Uncontrolled anger has also been linked to other conditions, including white-blood-cell-count abnormalities, asthma, diabetes, and anorexia nervosa, as well as to everyday complaints such as backaches. If the toll on your body isn’t big enough for you, consider how it affects the quality of your everyday life. Anger, when it’s not expressed appropriately or if repressed, can be the dynamite that explodes an important relationship or gets you fired from a job. No one is suggesting that you never get angry. How you handle that charged energy, though, is what separates hotheads from those who keep their cool.
The #1 Way Anger Management Strategy: Avoid It
The real secret to controlling your rage is to never let yourself get to the exploding point. Here’s 11 anger management strategies to help keep your feelings of anger and hostility from building.
Exercise At Lunch
Anger and tension tend to build up as the day progresses. By swimming laps or walking at lunch, you’ll relieve some of the hostility and tension that’s festered in the first half of the workday. “Find a form of exercise that you enjoy and that helps to relieve the everyday stresses, and you’ll be less susceptible to letting rage get the best of you,” says Aaron R. Kipnis, PhD. If you’re a couch potato, take note: Research shows the intensity of exercise isn’t a key factor in reducing anxiety. In one study, people reported their emotions after either a brisk 10-minute walk or a 45-minute workout. Both groups reported feeling less tense and more energetic. So even a quick trip around the block can change your mind, literally.
Take An Extra 10
Once a week, treat yourself to a 70-minute lunch break—without your cell phone, if you can—and don’t be in a hurry to get back to the grind. Chances are you’re working 50-plus hours a week, and that extra 600 seconds without any communiqués from your boss, coworkers, or spouse won’t get you canned and will do you wonders, says anger-management expert John Lee, MA. If finding “me time” during a workday isn’t practical, make time for yourself after hours. Just 10 minutes a day can refresh your outlook on life, according to the American Psychological Association. Spend some time alone in your bedroom, turn off your phone, or meditate to your favorite soothing music. (Here’s 8 simple meditations that can change your life.)
Break The Chain
Plan ahead to avoid a layering of minor everyday things that could make you blow your top. For example, if you’re taking an airplane trip, take a book or crossword puzzles with you, because chances are you’ll have delays, says Lee.
Brainstorm
Reviewing your past behaviors can provide valuable insight and a better chance at changing future behaviors. Make mental notes of things that upset you and caused you to overreact, and think of other ways to respond in the future, suggests Marilyn J. Sorensen, PhD. “As you do this, try to remember what you were telling yourself at the time, and whether those statements were based on fact, truth, or history,” she says. “If your thoughts seemed distorted or exaggerated, you’ll see how your self-talk in those situations led you to overreact.” Thinking is the motor that propels feelings, and irrational thinking will cause those emotional juices to flow in a hostile direction. Ask yourself if this is really the behavior and image you want to project. If not, consider what you would do or say differently, and in the future try to base your self-talk on fact, truth, and history, she says.
Prepare For Hecklers
Stand-up comedians like Chris Rock have deep reservoirs of comebacks to deal with hecklers. You should, too, suggests Karyn Buxman, RN. “We all work with certain people who push our buttons,” she says. Think ahead and develop a humorous and kind response or two to keep them off balance. Humor is a great tool to diffuse tense situations. MORE: The 6 Keys To Forgiving Anyone And Moving On
Are You About To Blow?
The symptoms leading up to full-blown rage are easy to spot, according to Lynne McClure, PhD. Here are four signs that you might be about to erupt.
Palpitations. Your heart feels as if it were about to pound its way out of your chest, and your breathing becomes quite shallow.Overheating. Your body temperature rises, and you start to sweat. “That’s where the old saying, ‘Boy, did he get hot under the collar’ comes from,” says McClure.Fixation. You’re consumed with whatever is making you angry. “If you’re in a meeting with 14 people and find that you’re completely riveted on that one person that made you angry 2 weeks ago, then you have a problem,” she says.Overreacting. You’re letting other everyday things, such as the absence of toner in the office copier, set you off. “When little things get you enraged, that’s often a sign that you have unresolved anger,” says McClure.
Anger Diffusion
Despite our best efforts, we all get angry sometimes. Here’s how to keep your flash of fury from turning into an ugly incident.
Call A Time Out
If you find yourself coming to a boil, remove yourself from the situation to clear your head, suggests Sorensen. “Call ‘time-out’ to let the other person know you are not going to continue the interaction at that time,” she says. Suggest a later time to readdress the problem. Once you’ve given yourself some time and space, evaluate the situation. Consider valid reasons for what is happening and assess your reactions, says Sorenson. “Focus on creating a win-win outcome, rather than simply having your way or spouting off.”
Give Time Travel A Try
Take a page from Michael J. Fox in Back to the Future and transport yourself 10 months or 10 years into the future—without that cool DeLorean, of course. “Will what’s making you angry right now really matter in 10 years, 10 months, or even 10 minutes?” asks Buxman. “For 99 out of 100 things, probably not.” MORE: 10 Silent Signals You’re Way Too Stressed
Keep Your Hands Busy
When anger strikes, do something constructive with your hands, legs, feet, face, and jaw—anything that will release the tension in your muscles and distract you. For instance, if you’re at home, take a bath towel in both hands and twist it as tightly as you can, suggests Lee. As you twist it, let out sighs, moans, or grunts. After 10 to 15 minutes, imagine that the knots that used to be in you are now in the towel. If rage visits you in the office, grab a toy. “To ease the potential anger-producing incidents at work, people should have toys or things to amuse them in their desk, whether that’s wind-up toys or cushy balls,” says Buxman.
Divert Your Attention
If, for example, the person in front of you in the “10 items or less” supermarket line has 36 items and you’re Yosemite Sam–angry about it, Buxman recommends distracting yourself until the counting-challenged shopper has made it through the checkout line. Flip through a supermarket tabloid article, check out what’s on TV tonight, or chat with the more rule-abiding person in line behind you.
Don’t Drink Alone
When you’re angry, a can—or 12—of beer may seem like your best friend. But drowning your anger with alcohol, especially alone, can make the problem worse. It’s when you’re drunk that you’re most likely to leave the boss a threatening voice mail. Instead, call your best friends and invite them out for a gripe-session happy hour. Sure, enjoy a few drinks, but use the time to vent your anger and get it out of your system. Before you know it, you’ll be laughing and will be over whatever had you steamed in the first place. (Here’s the 8 friends every woman needs.)
Scream Up A Storm
If you’ve had a bad day at work, Lee suggests pulling into the nearest parking lot and, with the windows rolled up, screaming as loud as you possibly can. Swear. Name names. If you’re at home, take a pillow and holler into it. The pillow will muffle the noise so that the nosy neighbor can’t hear you. How long should you scream? “As long as you have the energy to yell,” says Lee. “It might seem simple, but you’re releasing that anger right away.”
Therapists Can Help With Your Anger Management
If you can’t control your hostility and it’s affecting your relationships, then it’s a good idea to see a therapist who can help you rein in those emotions. A psychologist or other licensed professional will teach you ways to express your anger without damaging relationships with others or hurting yourself. Some psychologists have reported that highly hostile patients can significantly improve the quality of their lives with anger management therapy in 8 to 10 weeks.
Panel Of Advisors
Karyn Buxman, RN, is a public speaker who specializes in therapeutic humor and is the president of Humor Lab, a company that helps people manage their stress and organizations improve their bottom line through humor, based in San Diego. Aaron R. Kipnis, PhD, is a psychotherapist in Santa Monica, a professor of psychology at Pacifica Graduate Institute in Santa Barbara, California, and the author of Angry Young Men. John Lee, MA, is the founder and director of several mental health programs related to anger management, author of Facing the Fire, and a life coach in Mentone, Alabama. Lynne McClure, PhD, is a leading expert in high-risk employee behaviors in Mesa, Arizona, and the author of Anger and Conflict in the Workplace and Risky Business: Managing Employee Violence in the Workplace. Marilyn J. Sorensen, PhD, is a clinical psychologist in Sherwood, Oregon, and author of Breaking the Chain of Low Self-Esteem, Low Self-Esteem: Misunderstood and Misdiagnosed, and Low Self-Esteem in the Bedroom.
